02 November 2010
so here it is, kids. Hello Goodbye (JAQUES remix):
enjoy your life. even the sucky parts (they make for excellent songs).
18 October 2010
i'm eating everything up
even the tough words
ones that choke me
i can't get enough
he's never seen me
with all my weaponry out
because i wear nothing, sad
all the openness soon becomes doubt again
so hold me close
tell me all your reasons why
i'm up above and so below
you're one and both
on with the show
fill me up with lovely air
when i look, you won't be there
and so that's how it goes
i'll never know
on with the show
how can this be wrong when it's a song
watch you lose the worst of yourself and it's heaven
i've been here too long
when it's wrong, i'll be leaving
pretend love got the best of us both
20 July 2010
i'm no good at being in between. i'm here or i am gone. people who know me well understand this about me, and while they encourage me to experiment with moderation, they know that being half-way anything tears my heart to bits. don't call me crazy unless you mean it, unless you really want to see it. my smile is heavy now, my hands are hiding.
29 June 2010
Held up by bricks, until the cracks collapse me
I am a frog in the water
Underneath a lily (sometimes the flower)
Words are hung and frame us-
we keep quiet, well trained.
Balancing the Universe between folded arms
Armed to the teeth, energetically speaking
Smile for everyone
Let me touch your boyfriend
I am The World
Bad bitches, all four corners lit up
Begging for a second look
Hide and seek
Hum and sing
Swim or sink
Smile for everyone
Barter praise for friendship
I am The Chariot,
A damn good driver
Stronger than myself
without a puzzle to undo
And you, Fool, are the luckiest of all
To know nothing of burning bushes or a Mothers' worry
Living in this moment's glorious blank stare
Naked as the day is long and infinity times as beautiful
Trust nature and animals
Try to remember
Everyone else will forget
Ride or die shit
(We are The Lovers.)
21 June 2010
i gave up around 7 and came out to the living room to smoke a bowl. i watched the end of Up and now i'm watching Mrs. Doubtfire. when i was 10, my sister and i were on a flight from Philly back home to L.A., and we sat next to the kid who plays the son in this movie, Matthew Lawrence. yes, that's right, Joey Lawrence' little brother. their whole family was on the flight. i must have gotten up to go to the bathroom 10 times, so that i could scoot past Matthew and flirt. oh, dude, i was totally over Joey from Blossom, fuck thaT. i was into the brother...anyways, after we landed, the older gentleman who'd been sitting across the aisle told my mom and stepfather that he thought i had bladder problems. i went outside and The Lawrence Family was out there, too, waiting for their car. i noticed that Matthew was holding the leash on a golden retriever: their pup had traveled with them, under the plane in one of those crates for 5 hours. i mean, i've always had a way with animals...i love them, they love me, it rules...so this dog takes one look at me and starts pulling towards me, and the kid looks up and smiles when he sees another kid standing there, albeit a girl wearing a matching sailor-inspired outfit, and starts walking over. i remember that being a 'holy shit' moment, like the ones we grown women have now when the man we want shows interest...i was 10. he said hi and introduced himself and his the dog (can't remember his name, sad face), and after i pet him for a bit, both of our families were ready to peace. i don't know if he was in any other big movies besides Mrs. Doubtfire. i bet his creepy brother ruined his career for him when he tried to put out a record.
yesterday, i participated in a slip 'n slide competition at a lakehouse with a bunch of people i don't know and was in fact the weakest link of my team due to my attire: jean shorts do not slide well, nor are they slippery. i was ill-prepared for such activity, and completely out of my element, yet i could not say no. i wasn't going to back down from a challenge, even a totally ridiculous one. this is definitely new. gone are the days of my graceful bowing out; the Yadira of today says yes. she may be scared but that's no reason not to try. i'm less and less afraid of failure and more focused on the learning part...people are a distraction. being sensitive to them is a distraction but a necessary one. i think i'm ok with that. today i am, anyway.
so i'm pushing this 20" bike, until my legs give out. and i'm pushing this huge heart to the limit, finding there isn't one that i can't overcome. try and stop me.
01 June 2010
holy fuck. i wore a fucking sequinned bustier. who the hell am i all of the sudden?
L.A.X's album release party at The Parish on May 20th KILLED. so many amazing friends, musicians, photographers and generally sexy people were in attendance. Frank brought food for the bands and $10 gift certificates to all our guests. Props to Holly for letting me borrow those heels, although i thought my ankles were gonna snap after dancing in them throughout our entire set.
from what i hear, everyone had a really good time and got ultra fucked up that night, makin' mama proud! i never get a chance to hang out at our shows, because a) i like to smoke a lot of weed before i sing, b) i like to smoke even more after i sing, and c) by the end our set i'm usually pouring sweat and need somebody to 'wipe me down'.
since then, the Universe has gone all fuzzy. we played Houston on May 29th - so much fun - and we'll go to Dallas on the 5th of June. but now what? what's gonna fill my heart up with love? this is becoming an addiction. if i can't have my medicine, chances are i'll go looking for a substitute fix.
AND it's summer. dios mio.
more photos from the CD Release Party can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/album.php?aid=50313&id=1650485679
09 May 2010
my mother is a force. light oozes from her being. the energy of a place changes when she's close by, re-aligning and finding better flow. she doesn't suck all the air out of the room; she breathes life into every corner and crevice of it.
i am so unbelievably lucky to be one of her daughters.
if you have one person who can see your soul, who can speak to the core of who you are, who will accept you no matter how far you fall...you are rich beyond words. you have found a soul mate.
24 April 2010
successes come in many forms. little victories are everywhere, left unnoticed by people who can't recognize them as such. they are often called failures, because the desired outcome or goal wasn't reached, and so they are discarded. disregarded. chalked up to twists of fate, or deceptions by other humans. they litter the streets of our cities: broken hearts, unattainable dream occupations, lost puppies. we don't like to think about them. but, it is my opinion that we should proclaim them, we should own them and celebrate them for what they truly are - points of growth and self-discovery.
i've learned to enjoy making people uncomfortable. i will do/say/write a song about something purely because my heart tells me to, and watch the cringing faces of my friends and family slowly relax into expressions of acceptance with pride for them and the evolution of their understanding. somehow, i've realized that this is part of my purpose. we are all reflections of each other. what makes me worry about you is only what i worry about for myself, otherwise i wouldn't feel compelled to judge your situation, right? what the fuck do i know about how you feel? we're only Facebook friends. i'm learning to break this barrier with people, and the moment of truth comes when, after all the gory details of the story, i smile and tell you how thankful i am for the experience of whatever pain, embarrassment, or confusion i felt because of the outcome.
i'm also fully realizing that every moment leads to another, and learning how to trust this process without over-thinking and missing the beauty of all the details between Start and Finish. i find beauty in almost anything: men, women, children, animals, technology, garbage, French Toast, quantum physics, my retail job. walking from my front door to my car this morning, i could smell Texas, and man oh man, that is a beautiful thing to notice. i won't miss a single thing on this journey.
this week, i was victorious. there would be no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, no happy ending in sight. everything on the surface unraveled as soon as i pulled that tiny hanging string.
let's face it, i tend to cut to the chase.
i don't have time to beat around the bush (pun definitely intended), and sometimes love/lust/attraction/whateverthefuck it's called these days fades quicker than the afterglow of all those orgasms. can't really bullshit a bullshitter, or a recovered bullshitter for that matter...but beyond all the typical expectations one may have of an adventure such as this, i consider my little vacation a complete and utter success. i felt so many different emotions, had some powerful conversations, and came home feeling incredible about me. i don't know that i've ever really known my self-worth until this week, and it is my intent to feel this sense of renewal every week, or as often as is possible.
i know i won't always. i know that will stumble, get hurt, bleed a bit. but, i heal quickly.
16 April 2010
25 March 2010
this crew of grown and sexy gentlemen wants to put out some of the new music i've been working on with Subtitle. ummmm...i feel kinda special, yo! no exact dates just yet, but be ready, ok? i wouldn't want you to hurt yourself when you lose your goddamn mind.
that is all.
22 March 2010
i don't even know where to begin, and i have a feeling such will be the same as far as any ending goes.
singing for people is such an ecstatic experience for me, the closest thing to pure Spirit that i have ever known. my soul pours out into the world and finds freedom in every listener. i'm so lucky that people want to listen, truly blessed.
14 February 2010
09 February 2010
Pleasant Morning Buzz in the Kingdom of Awesome, By Wendy Heldman (edit)
Leaving no surface, discipline, or location untouched, Maya Hayuk makes use of an unbounded and unpredictable matrix of sources, mediums, and styles. Her relationship to the images she invents is an intricate and complex free association and a perspicacious act of unfailingly putting all the parts together to make the whole. She employs intense yet pertinent colors, complex geometries, and fine lines in order to collect the constituents that make up her present and visceral world.
08 February 2010
06 February 2010
One way would be to go to a place where the music of Home does not exist. Perhaps a different music plays, a music that contains jarring notes or strident passages. This contrast would instill within you a new appreciation of the music you always heard at Home.
A second way would be to go to a place where the music of Home does not exist and recreate it from memory. The experience of composing those magnificent sounds would give you an even deeper understanding of their beauty.
A third possibility exists, one that is much more challenging but that holds the greatest promise. It occurs to you that a truly profound way of knowing can be gained by going to a place where the music of Home does not play and once there recreating it but only after you have forgotten what it sounded like. The experience of remembering and then composing the extraordinary symphonies of Home would produce the richest, fullest, and most expanded knowing of their inherent grandeur.
And so bravely you travel to the world that offers the third option. There you hear music that you, lacking memory, believe to be the only music you've ever heard. Some songs are lovely, but many strike your ears as dissonant. These harsh tones foster within you a desire - and ultimately a resolve - to create original music.
Soon you begin to write your own compositions. At first you are distracted by the loud music of your new world. Over time, however, as you turn away from the external blare and listen to the melodies in your heart, your musical creations grow in beauty. Eventually you compose a masterpiece, and when it is finished you remember something: the masterpiece you wrote is the very same music that you had played at Home. And this recollection triggers yet another: You are that music. It is not something you heard outside yourself; rather it was you, and you were it. And by creating yourself in a new place, you now know yourself - truly know yourself - in a way that was not possible had you never left Home.
- "Courageous Souls" by Robert Schwartz